Mittens Are So Damn Hot Right Now

Matt Leinart, fantasy football backup and timeshare quarterback extraordinaire, is donecakes for the rest of the season. Fortunately, the absence of Leinart means that Grandpa Mittens (David Carr is to Kurt Warner what Matt Holliday is to Mark McGwire, if that makes any sense) is taking the Buzzsaw wheel by two gloved hands for the rest of 2007. Or at least for as long as he can hold onto the ball. One could argue that Warner’s choice of accessory doesn’t qualify as mitten-esque, in the dainty sense of Carr’s gloves. In fact, all evidence we’ve seen is that he’s basically sporting a glorified batting gloves with receiver tack on them. But you know what? When you rock out the old limp wrist (let’s not even get into that creepy vein on his right arm) like Kurt is here, you’re wearing goddamned mittens, okay?

In other news, the Cardinals elected to roll with Tim Rattay instead of bringing in Vinny Testaverde on Tuesday evening. The AARP office was all kinds of crazy this afternoon. But there are still *ahem* plenty of teams looking for a ageless wonder veteran presence to backup an injury risk starter. So Cats fans, don’t be surprised when you see that pimped out Hover-round rolling into BOA in the next few days.

Who Will be David Carr’s Trent Dilfer?

With Jake Delhomme donecakes for the year, Charlotte.com brings up the 25 pound pink elephant balloon this morning; who are the Panthers going to sign to backup David Carr? (And will that person fall in behind Matt Moore as well? – That’s us asking, not them.)

The list of starting NFL QB’s hurt and ailing is lengthy enough to prompt Trent Edwards, Brodie Croyle, Trent Dilfer, Cleo Lemon, Gus Ferrotte, Kurt Warner and Brian Griese to all end up as starting signal callers in week six. Edwards and Croyle aren’t washed up nobodies, but they’re rookies. Warner is a former two time MVP but Satan cashed that contract in a few years ago. And Brian Griese’s dad is famous. So he’s got that going for him.

But who’s out there for the P-cats? Remember, Mittens already has a bad back after getting sacked (the Saints first and only sack of the season!) Sunday. With that in mind, we need someone who can actually play the position.

Update: Looks like we can just about scratch Vinny off the list.

Merrill Hoge Likes Shaky Limbs

Nothing brings in the late evening like Trey Wingo and Merrill Hoge going on about football with that super-duper exciting NFL Live music in the background. We were kind of just letting it ride along and ignoring it – sometimes we get all deep on the internets and forget stupid people are blaring in the background – when all of sudden we got this little gem from ole Merrill:

“One thing was confirmed in this game: Terrell Owens is the most overrated wide receiver of our generation. His career is littered with drops in clutch situations, and no different here.”

Hmmm. As we all know, Hoge has never been wrong before. Maybe TO is overrated. Maybe his seven 1,000 yard plus seasons are a joke. And perhaps he did choke his face off during the Super Bowl with the Eagles. And don’t think for a minute that coming back on a bum leg is any sort of excuse. Or maybe he’s just a monster stud of a wide receiver who’s totally f’d in the head and gets more scrutiny because of the way he acts and Hoge just doesn’t like him as a person so he’s attacking his credibility as a wide receiver. Yeah. That seems more likely.

Time to Leave the Gloves On

The Charlotte Observer has announced today (via Charlotte.com) that Panthers quarterback and chicken and biscuit hawker Jake Delhomme will undergo season ending surgery on his right elbow sometime next week.

What does this mean for Panther fans?

(Well, besides this website actually gaining relevance, that is.) It means that Mr. Mittens, David Carr, is the heir apparent to ball control duties in Cha-town, that’s what. He started last week’s loss to the Bucs and this week’s win over the Saints, and even played briefly in a brilliant head-to-head matchup against Joe[y] Harrington. But now the team is his.

And you know what? We think he’s going to leave his (lack of) fingerprints all over the Panthers by the time the season culminates in a shocking Super Bowl victory ends.

We’ll admit that at first we weren’t too fond of the notion of Carr running the Panthers offense, particularly given how inept he looked against Tampa Bay. But there’s something inspiring about a man who’s not afraid to wear white gloves. And now, we’re here to fire up the David Carr bandwagon. Tickets are free. And since Matt Leinart ain’t seeing the field for the next few fortnights, we’re stealing his slogan faster than he swiped Paris’ V-card.

Ride or die, people.

The Mittens Era begins now.